Metropolitan angst: an election guide

Thank fuck I don't live in London. Not only are you presented with two prize assholes who represent the cheesy and somewhat sleazy celebrification of our politics - you also have to torture yourselves over the choice. Here's David Aaronovitch, for example:

"Clearly, at the empathic level, one prefers the Tiggerish mammal. What is not to like about Boris?"

I dunno but I'd have thought if you even found yourself thinking such things, never mind writing them, it might be worth while asking yourself, "What the fuck am I doing?"

It's not that I don't understand the appeal of Boris. On the plus side, he has:

1) Floppy hair.

2) He's funny - usually unintentionally.

3) He rides a bike.

On the downside:

1) He's a fucking Tory.

So you don't vote for him. Simple.