Oxford's finest

Are to be offered a thousand quid by Oxford University to teach in 'our toughest schools', according to the Times:

"It hopes that in return the graduates will help to persuade more pupils from disadvantaged backgrounds to apply to study at Oxford and other leading universities.

The move follows research from the Sutton Trust educational charity, which recently found that half of state school teachers would never, or only rarely, encourage their brightest pupils to apply to Oxbridge."

I was wondering how this particular sales pitch is going to go...

Teacher: Be all you can be, reach for the skies - you have the potential for Oxford, m'boy.

Pupil: But sir - you went to Oxford and all you ended up doing was becoming a fucking teacher. Fuck that for a game of soldiers.

Anyway, there's an inspiring tale of how one teacher had, via this sort of scheme, gained "vital life and workplace experience that would be valuable in her preferred future career as a management consultant":

"'In one Year 7 class I was trying to explain electricity', she said. 'They did not respond. So I got everyone to get up and walk around the class as I pretended to push them round. They were the current and I was the energy – the battery – that powered them to move. It worked, they got it.'"

Excellent, excellent. I had a very similar experience myself. In one year eleven class, I was trying to explain trench warfare. They did not respond. So I got them to re-arrange the desks into trenches. Then I got out my Lee Enfield .303 and blew the heads off anyone who stuck theirs above the parapet. It was such a valuable learning experience that I feel a career as a management consultant beckons. Unfortunately I'm now awaiting trial. I intend to plead insanity.